Nowadays, in different social groups, there is a common realization that people are defending very assertive opinions, and in some cases, very extreme opinions. As a result, even a domestic family discussion, turn to be an emotional clash of ideas. Intrigued by the realization that the current social agendas are attracting more people to the discussion, I would like to invite you to reflect on the mental process by which we build our judgments about the happenings that surround us.
When we experience a new situation, our observation is influenced by the emotions evoked. Sometimes, the evoked emotions are positive, since the human brain makes associations of each new experience with old experiences. So, situations that remind us of good childhood times, for example, bring us positive feelings that lead us to assess the new experience in a positive way.
The opposite is also true. Sometimes a new ordinary situation can evoke negative feelings experienced in similar situations in the past. Motivated by negative memories, we sometimes react negatively and impulsively not because the new situation is causing pain, suffering or threat, but simply because the brain recorded a bad similar experience and leads us to act in a protective way.
“Our wants and needs distort to an unknown degree what we perceive”. Edgar H Schein
In addition to the emotional filters that our prior experiences bring to us, as Edgar H. Schein mentions, our current needs distort our capacity for an objective perception. Interacting and working in environments of cultural diversity, we are dealing with different needs and experiences, then, as a consequence, we face new situations that are more complex and challenging to assess.
Can we avoid distortions of judgment that comes from our current needs or previous experiences in the new situations that we are facing in our lives and at work? For this post, I propose the reflection focused on two aspects as described below:
Being aware of our emotions
It´s a common advise that if we intend to keep a good social relationship in community, we should restrain the full exposure of our emotions. As a result, many times we do not pay much attention to the emotions evoked in different circumstances of our lives and work. Accepting and understanding feelings helps us to prevent an unconscious emotional reaction that can cause us a social discomfort.
As mentioned by Professor Edgar H. Schein “It is not impulsiveness per se that causes difficulty – It is acting on impulses that are not consciously understood and hence not evaluated prior to the action that gets us into trouble”.
Genuine Curiosity
Another element that makes us react in an extreme way is the absence of genuine curiosity about the subject being discussed or the opinion of the other people. The lack of interest in exploring a thought or idea different from ours puts us in a bubble where we unconsciously retain only the aspects that we are able to dialogue with, losing the richness of details that would allow us a more accurate perception of events.
“… the most dangerous part of the cycle* is the first step, where we take it for granted that what we perceive is valid enough to act on”. Edgar H. Schein
The lack of genuine curiosity leads us to act or react based on premature conclusions built on distorted and superficial perceptions. The premature conclusions turn to be a trap that put us in a succession of bad experiences in the development of our personal and professional relationships.
There are countless ways to avoid the biases of perception that limit our judgments, but I believe we can improve significantly our relationships if we are willing to accept and understand our feelings as well as develop a genuine curiosity for each other.
Dear reader, if the subject inspires you, I suggest the reading of Edgar H. Schein’s book that I comment briefly on in this post. “Humble Inquiry – The gentle art of asking questions instead of talking”. Now, it´s your turn, please share your thoughts!
* Referent to ORJI Cycle – Observation, Reaction, Judgment and Intervention. Extracted from Schein, E.H, “Humble Inquiry”, page 90.
Credit – Illustration picture – slimcloudy on Visualhunt.com